(The following was written while listening to Keane’s album “Strangeland”)
Each time I rise above the clouds to visit other lands, I find that home becomes a stranger land when I return. Back in a place where I am supposed to be happy to see friends & family, there is a pronounced feeling of disconnection. The journey has created in me a landscape filled with mountain ranges that serve as invisible borders around my life - demarcation lines which many people dare not cross.
Even as I write this, I fear it is in a language with which I am learning to express myself. Each sentence fails to describe the feeling I need to convey. And much like many conversations between two people who do not speak each other’s language, miscommunication and misunderstandings abound.
I am like the little boy in “The LIttle Prince,” who fell from the sky from his home planet and longs to return to his beloved rose. I continue to search for my way back home yet I’m not sure if I equate home as the place I’ve known all my life anymore. There is a constant restlessness within and my heart believes that my equivalent “rose” in my life is the search for someone with whom I will spend the rest of my life and have a family. My quest is underscored by a need to escape the home I was born into and create my own.
To consider a spiritual analogy, one might say we are fallen from our heavenly home and our life is our journey back to God. The worldly life as we know it may never be as truly satisfying until we are reunited with Him. If you are not spiritual minded, then the feeling of being a stranger in one’s homeland is akin to losing what once held happiness and comfort and learning to acclimate into a new world that no longer holds the once familiar treasures of what gave us joy and security.
All of the above may seem strange as a foreign language. Not many reveal themselves as candidly in person or online for that matter. It is truly one of the practices of searching for home. Looking for other citizens carrying passports in strange lands who feel disoriented only to be set at ease knowing that there are others that are just as clueless in this journey called Life as they are.
"…not all those who wander are lost." -J.R.R. Tolkien