Okay, let me add a disclaimer: First, these are the musings of a sensitive soul, & I always embellish things others would not. Second, I too am guilty of the following of which I call MPS. No, MPS is not a typo for PMS though they are somewhat similar. However, MPS can affect both males & females, even some sarcastic teens & precocious toddlers with parents also affected by MPS. What is MPS, you ask? “Mean People Syndrome”, and it seems to becoming more pervasive in today’s society.
Surrounded by a wolf pack of people suffering MPS is not a conducive environment to be in & so if you find yourself in a den of MPS wolves, dig your wait out now!!! Otherwise, it’s bite or be bitten. Today is an example.
We all can deal with negative encounters in different ways. I envy other people’s coping styles who can brush things off knowing they deserve better treatment. However, it is the principle of kindness that should overrule excusing rude or disrespectful behavior. “Do unto others as ye like to be treated.” Often, we may volley back the same behavior given to us due to hurt feelings & realize too late what was said and done. Depending on the situation & relationship, one can pursue the battle or decide to keep one’s guard & bite one’s tongue. This morning I felt something I had not felt in a while, but it occurred in the most visceral manner. I was filled with a rage I knew not where it came from & such a sensitive sore spot as well that I felt I was about to cry!
The emotional rage felt in my shaking body came from the shock that anyone could think he/she was better than another. The tone of voice which this person used towards me was such that it made me feel 2 inches small. This person’s berating continued as though scolding a child. As I swallowed the angry voice on the other line, a sadness came over me that people could treat others so coldly to a person they hardly knew. Clearly, my efforts to bend over backward on behalf of someone else bit me back by someone else unwilling to be on the same page. I took a hit for the team for what I thought was right. It was a simple trivial matter, but when you already feel “Charlie Browned” by the world, with “Lucy’s” swiping the football every time you try to make a goal, well, maybe you’ll understand my frustrations in this otherwise meaningless encounter.
This event emphasized a condition within myself: The need to be more thick skinned & my lack of social interaction in various situations. Being raised as I have, I have become accustomed to only a few personality types that seem averse to confrontation. Therefore, as much as I like to, I try to avoid confrontations. Any disagreement or straying from someone else’s wants is viewed as a risk for open rejection should I oppose the other person in some way. So, naturally, I have grown use to a passive way of dealing with things. This encounter was just one exercise of learning to be assertive. Though I feel I tried my best to put my own foot down in what I believed was right, in the end I acquiesced to the other’s disapproval of my actions with the unwanted feeling that maybe I was wrong & that the other was right despite the mistreatment.
And now I will proceed to tie this together with the original reason I started this Tumblr. This blog was titled “13MenWorkingAbove” (see first post for origin & take it from there if you desire). I attribute this to the number of men featured in the Last Supper, the head being J.C. (i.e., Jesus Christ) and his Apostles sitting together in a painting above as I write this. That scene reminds me of board room meetings & how somehow together they are like the film “TheAdjustmentBureau”, manipulating events & people to direct me in one direction vs another. I’m glad 12 out of 13 are for me, while of course there is always the rotten apple that’ll spoil the bunch (i.e., Judas).
So, in my efforts to make 12 out of 13 men above me proud, 1 had to show the uglier side that tries to thwart Good/God…This I believe can be used to argue against the debate “If God is good, why does He make bad things happen?” It is not so much that He makes them happen, for we have our own free will. And often, humanity’s free will chooses what is not best for the rest….Then one would argue, “What of natural disasters? Why does God create devastation worldwide & suffering? What then?”…For those questions, I have yet to reflect on deeper reasons…But just as our epic legends as told by literature have shown us, the world is filled with both Good & Evil that equals a battle God chooses to fight with us by our side. Do not mistake it. Depending on your own first hand experience, you may choose to believe or not believe. I pray I will find more answers that lead towards belief.
Returning back to the mini-misadventure above: I’ve been questioning my spiritual journey, which I feel is truly being tested. Why be kind if others refuse to show kindness? Why continue to hope for something while someone else has given up? Why have faith in God if so many things seem to prove otherwise?
