How to relate to the world? You & I see the world through different lenses, real or symbolically. Some of us look through a microscope, analyzing every minutiae that is (and sometimes usually isn’t really there). Analytical thinking is good, too much, you can get yourself into trouble…(I have found myself at the crossroads with the latter. Still have yet to reach resolution, but I am only human).
Some of us have had healthy experiences that allowed us to grow & develop a strength to trust what it is in our mind’s eye. The healthier the vision, the more realistic one’s perspective of the world. Through strong relationships, we also grow to believe the world is a loving place, full of understanding & times of forgiveness when the need arises.
Often, we relate to the world by how we relate to others. As for me, referencing a character from Harry Potter series, I’d consider myself a Luna Lovegood. Only, I lack the self-confidence & self-assuredness that Luna has when it comes to what others think of her. She relates to others in her own unique way, accepting her eccentric ways & believing them as assets to her personality. She may not have many friends, but she knows who would die for her (i.e., Order of the Phoenix).
I struggle with my own “strangeness”. But what is “normal” these days? Depending on who you hang around with, normal is boring while normal is status quo. Really, there is no right or wrong answer. Who you are is who you are. The refreshing part is knowing there is room & flexibility to change, without comprising the real essence of who we are at the core.
There will be people in our life that we will meet that will edify us & be honest with us & be direct with us and say,”You need to stop this” or “I really think you’re way off.” It may sting, but often it is such directness that allows another person to see through the lens of another person. Empathy is a redeeming quality, yet not all of us have quite refined it or found it in themselves.
In growing up, in the way I was raised, I viewed my world through physical boundaries initially. You were only to ride your bike around the block…Did I cross the boundary? Of course! And with that I discovered new adventures & even met a few of my new friends in the neighborhood. Then soon, as I got older, I found I turned the physical boundaries into invisible ones. Unfortunately, the anxiety I was raised stemming from the maternal side echoed deeply, and instead of cross the street of my psyche, I remained riding my psychological two wheeler around the block that I have since moved from in real life.
I have yet to meet the person that really pushes my boundaries, emotionally and otherwise. To find this person may even go as far as meaning this would be my significant other. A person who has helped me to grow into a better, more confident person would mean the world to me. And yet, I am without because I am stuck on my two wheeler, unable to enter the car of life.
I often have a dream of being in a car that is out of control. Sometimes I’m in the back, but I’m the only passenger. The car has no driver & I fear I’m about to crash. Then there are dreams I’m behind the wheel, but my car doesn’t respond to my steering. Again, another metaphor of life being out of control….And indeed, the way I relate to my family makes me feel this way—-out of control, in the most “controlled” fashion, if this makes any sense to those who had an overprotective childhood.
I believe that those who grew up with siblings had a greater amount of freedom & found inner strength from the help & encouragement of loving relationships among their brothers & sisters. At least, this is what I have observed in strong bonds between siblings. I see a certain self-assuredness within themselves. Also noted is a greater empathy for others, because they were able to practice this concern with each other.
In addition, I find there is greater freedom to explore outside the boundaries of home because to me a tight sibling unit backs the members if one is in trouble & serve as a great support & sounding board when one is in trouble.
THough there have been times I would push the boundaries, it was only because I felt certain confidence in the people I was with. I felt a certain bond that I held deeply as one that was unbreakable. I felt through them, I could rely on them for my self-confidence because I thought they believed in me or admired me…The problem with this was I never opened up my truest & deepest fears because I felt by doing so I would turn them away (which has happened)…So, I remained “superficial”. As a result, I guess I risked being thought of as “fake”…To this I respond with the following original quite:
WE HAVE OUR EXTERIORS TO HIDE THE VULNERABILITY INSIDE, AFRAID OF THE THREAT THAT OTHERS WILL HURT OUR PRIDE; OPEN OR ON GUARD, WE MUST DECIDE.
It is only through this blog that I’ve really allowed my heart to bleed or be pinned on my sleeve. Whether it be my downfall, I know that people need people, because this world is relational…We just need to know that every relationship, however long they may last, teach us a lesson about humanity & often more frightening, a deeper truth about ourselves…
I know in recent months, I’ve learned that I ‘m not perfect. I’m too sensitive in the most inconvenient of times. Other times, I feel, that maybe I’m unable to display enough sensitivity a time or person might require….Please know this!….Life is a never ending school…And class is always in session!
