The above image is from Switzerland. I was lucky enough 9 years ago to be able to see this up close and personal. Believe me, you’d want to see this for yourself. This picture doesn’t do it justice. When you see the image of the massive lion carved in stone wall, you’ll be moved to tears & empathize with its weeping. It is as though the man made lake below is the result of all the tears the lion has cried.
I have been this lion for a while. I have learned to balance myself on a fence. The situation can best be summarized by the opening lyrics to Dinner & a Suit’s
“Where We Started”: WAITING FOR THE RIGHT TIME TO SAY THE WRONG THING
So often I have struggled to learn when to & how much to open up to people. My experiment in reaching out seemed to be going well, as it helped me become more empathetic to other people’s problems. I have seen a few of my friends through troubled times. And yes, there are a few I think I have failed. When hurt clouds & corrupts our egos, our heart’s vision gets blinded just as much as deep love can blind it.
In reaching out to others through others sorrows, soon I became aware of my own sorrows starting to surface. And soon, I was on the other end, waiting for someone to take the role I previously tried to serve for others. Then again, isn’t that considered a “savior complex”? I am not God, but I feel that Jesus called us to help those who show they are broken. No one wants to feel less than they are. No one wants to feel weak. No one wants to feel unwanted…And soon, my heart started weeping tears like the lion you see here. Nearly drowning in the waters I created, I poured out perhaps more than I normally would trust to others. It is only when I find I am with safe people that I dare share that part of me, that secret vulnerability I try to pretend doesn’t exist…
But what happens when a few so called Christians get uncomfortable with the sharing?
In a seminar teaching about the Holy Spirit as our guide, I was exposed to the practice of sharing our darkest parts of ourselves. It was not to shame each other or to judge, but to lean on each other when we can no longer stand on our own. It is in this moment I felt the opportunity to heal the wounds that past Christians left me questioning-Why would you abandon your brother or sister when they need you most?
In hindsight, after a couple of years of reflection until tonite, I realize, we all cage our own demons. The trouble occurs when we let them out or they have escaped to create chaos & confusion. The resulting illusion is a lie which fools us into thinking no one cares. Fools us into thinking we are alone.
As I write this, I’m listening to Dinner & A Suit’s “It’s Not Over”. If indeed it’s not over, I am praying my way back to where I started-to God, to healing, to changing my hardened heart that thought things were hopeless. For the light shines brightest in the darkness…
I believe that the 13 men above whom I allude to-Jesus & his Apostles as portrayed in the Last Supper-have planned this lesson all along. Even Judas had his role to play in Jesus’ sacrifice. I am not Jesus of course, but it was the Judas among His followers that makes me come to this conclusion:
Without the passion of Christ-the suffering we all are called to imitate in our lives- we are unable to fully appreciate what New Life in God is really about. And perhaps this is the lesson we can learn from the mystery of Jesus’ resurrection.
SIDEBAR: In a bookstore, a young girl of 3 years old looks lost & paces the front of the store looking for his daddy….In that moment, I feel like that girl. Lost, looking for her way back to her Father in Heaven…No sooner than she cried out for help, a woman comes to the little girl’s aid…And in that moment, I come to realize, in my moments of feeling lost, God shall come and provide someone, some people, to help me find my way back :) Back to where I started.
Oh and for your curiosity, here’s “Where We Started” by Dinner & A Suit in its entirety :)
http://dinnerandasuit.buzznet.com/user/video/4898881/dinner-suit-started-acoustic/
